My friend called me about 4 a.m. on Sunday morning.
She told me her 16-year-old daughter was dead. I just spent the last few days being with and talking to the family.
At this point, the Eagleman family has many questions surrounding the death of Elmina Sue Eagleman Pete. When Glenda Eagleman found her daughter Sunday morning, the color of life was gone. The young woman looked ashen. She had stopped breathing. The mom called an ambulance, but it was too late. Her airway had swollen shut. She was dead. The more somber reality: It was possibly a suicide. The young woman talked about it before. Although, her mother said, she had never tried to hurt herself before that night.
Still, there were some signs that Elmina intentionally hurt herself. She left a disturbing text message on her phone. And she had written notes on her computer.
Joe Big Knife, a Cree elder, spoke to friends and family at a wake on Sunday at the Lutheran Church in Rocky Boy on the Rocky Boy’s Reservation in northern Montana. He said many people will be asking themselves, “Why?” But, they should find solace in knowing that it was the Creator who called her home. He said “the old timers,” used to say that when someone died, that it was not a time of sorrow, nor a time to cry because the departed had gone on to “a perfect place.”
For now, the Eagleman family is doing their best to move forward.
“I feel at peace, but I’m grieving though,” said Glenda Eagleman on Tuesday, the day Elmina was buried on the Rocky Boy’s Reservation.
Eagleman said her father told her to remember the good times they had with Elmina in the past 16 years.
Glenda Eagleman asked me to write about her daughter’s death with the hope that her experience might help someone. Nobody knows what happened in the last minutes of Elmina’s life. Did she really want to hurt herself by injesting more substances than her body could handle? It’s possible that she didn’t really mean to hurt herself, but that she had an unexpected allergic reaction. Big Knife said only the Creator knows.
At the wake on Sunday, Big Knife reminded us to continually express compassion for everyone around us.
Glenda Eagleman expressed similar thoughts. She said she wants all young people to live healthy, happy lives and to do good for themselves so that they might do good for others.
These past few days have reminded me that we all go through tough times in our lives. In those times, we could all use some of that compassion Big Knife spoke of. Some people don’t readily ask for help. I suggest looking at thisIndian Health Service Web page on suicide for a start. It has a lot of good information and valuable links to other sites. I also know that the staff at Kauffman and Associates offers Native perspectives and training on suicide prevention.
Here is also some information about depression and suicide:By SUE HONSKY | Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 8:45 am
Every year Montanans commit suicide at a rate of 20 per 100,000 people, making Montana one of the top three states for suicide. We really don’t know the reasons why.
In Missoula County, there were 29 suicides in 2008
(275 percent higher than the national average, according to the Missoula Suicide Prevention Network). This rate and other factors led the surgeon general in 1999 to declare suicide a public health issue.
Yet suicide is preventable. Most suicidal individuals want desperately to live, but they are unable to see other solutions to their problems. They develop tunnel vision and think suicide is the only answer. Suicidal thoughts tend to come and go, so it is important to reach out and offer realistic hope to the suicidal person. Most individuals give warning signs indicating they may be thinking of killing themselves. Recognize the signs and know how to respond to someone, and you may be able to prevent a suicide.
The warning signs that a person may be suicidal include:
• Sadness
• Anxiety, feelings of guilt
• Hopelessness, helplessness
• Change in eating or sleeping patterns
• Withdrawing from friends and family, or usual activities
• Loss of interest in work, school, hobbies, etc.
• Increased drug or alcohol use
• Anger
• Excessive irritability
• Excessive impulsivity
• Making arrangements or setting one’s life in order
• Preoccupation with death, in writing or talking
Adolescents may also have a drop in school performance, withdrawal from social usual activities, loss of interest in self care, increased anger or irritability, excessive writing or artistic expression of death.
Emergency warning signs that may require more immediate response include:
• Talking openly about suicide
• Talking indirectly about wanting to die or “end it all”
• Taking unnecessary risks
• Giving away personal possessions
• Becoming suddenly calmer
• Becoming increasingly self-critical
If an individual has any of the following issues, he or she is at a higher risk for suicide, according to the National Institute of Mental Health:
• Depression or another mental illness
• Substance abuse
• Prior attempt
• Family history of suicide
• Violence in the home
• Firearms in the home
If you or someone you know has these signs, get help. Ask the person if they are feeling like killing themselves. Just mentioning “suicide” will not make someone suicidal, but it may help them feel understood and hopeful. Stay with the person, remove anything he or she has access to that could be used to self-harm. Seek professional help for the person.
If a person tries to attempt suicide, call 9-1-1. Let the medical providers know what has occurred to give them all the information possible.
If you are an adolescent and you think someone you know is suicidal, contact an adult. If the first adult you talk to does not help, find another adult. Do not take on the burden of helping this person by yourself.
What else can you do? Become involved in suicide prevention. Attend a class and learn more about the warning signs of suicide and what other things you can do to help prevent it. Participate in community activities to develop suicide prevention awareness. Learn about mental illness and treatment. We can change the stigma our society places on mental illnesses by understanding more about it.
The national suicide prevention lifeline number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This number provides a trained individual to talk to in times of suicidal crisis.
Our local resource is the Missoula County Suicide Prevention Network at 258-3881.
To learn more, check out online resources under suicide prevention, including the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, National Mental Health Information Center, National Alliance on Mental Illness, the Suicide Prevention Action Network, Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and Suicide Prevention Resource Center.
Sue Honsky is certified in psychiatric and mental health nursing. She is the neurobehavioral medicine clinical nurse manager at St. Patrick Hospital and Health Sciences Center.
Jodi Rave
